I thought I already deleted this blog. I was really upset one night and pulled this up on my WordPress app on my phone and I could have sworn I pressed delete. But whatever.
I’m just gonna say a few words to someone I really care about right here because I don’t have the lady balls to open up. It’s quite of a challenge for me. Good thing blogs exist. I know you’ll never read this since you’re so detached from the online world, but I’ll say it anyways;
I miss you.
I know. It’s only been two days since the last time I saw you. It’s ridiculous really, how needy the female egos are. Always wanting to be pampered. Then when you go a bit overboard, you’re being ‘suffocating’. Having a girl friend is like constantly walking on a tightrope. Lean too much to one side and you fall, lean too much on the other and you face the same fate. But I’m not gonna lie to myself and pretend that I don’t need you because I do. And if I do pretend that I don’t need you, usually I end up not pretending anymore. Yep, it’s tough. Not just for you, but for me too. Controlling my emotions is not that simple when there’s too much to control.
Back to my message. I’m sorry if I may have come off as a bit bitchy tonight. I just wanted to talk to you today, and I never got too much of a chance. You never really replied that much to my texts. And I understand, you were studying, or doing your lab report. Then you played COD. And after picking up your mom, you just said good night. You didn’t even call when you said last Friday that you want to at least talk on the phone every night since we won’t be seeing each other much cause of your exams… I just suddenly felt forgotten, and unimportant. Then I text you to ask you if you’re sleeping and you give me a bullshit indirect reply. Yes, I’ll be frank. It’s bullshit. I hate it when I get replies like that from you. When I ask a yes or no question, obviously I would expect a yes or no answer. Simple. No other “</3″ bullshit. I mean, what the fuck? Did you expect me to pull out my feminine intuition and decipher your code? Well I did, and guess what. Feminine intuitions don’t fucking decipher crap. We are emotional goddamn creatures. We don’t operate on logic. That’s all I’m really upset about.
On a more logical sense, I could have called you instead if I had wanted to talk to you. But of course, I would never make that kind of initiative. It comes with the vagina package. I’m upset, yes. I feel like you haven’t been there for me much today. I’m sorry if I’m coming off as needy now. It’s just really how we are. This is why I don’t like to open up. I hate the emotions that I feel. I don’t want to miss you as much as I do now. I don’t really want to need you as much as I do now. I don’t like feeling paranoid, feeling unloved, unwanted, unimportant, but I do. There’s nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I can open up to you in person, or at least stop feeling like this. I don’t want to drag you down. I want you to be the best you can be even if I’m not part of it. I care for you so much that I wish I would stop needing you so much. Does that even make sense?
I’m such a woman. Shoot me now.
